Hardcore Religious Dietary Lifehacks for Atheist Men – Let’s Get Toxic

One of the best things about being atheist is that you can engage in sycretism, or combining religious practices, without guilt.

I like to call it “syncretinism“.

Are you down for some toxically masculine hardcore syncretinistic fasting!

Did you know today is Ramadan? Ramadan is a monthlong period of fasting, practiced by Muslims. This year it started on March 22, and goes to maybe April 20. They say it’s a month, but it seems a couple days short to me.

Did you know that we’re also in Lent? Lent is a forty day period of denying yourself a single pleasure or craving, and it lasts a month. This year it runs from Feb 22 to April 6.

Buddhism also has dietary practices of fasting, and vegetarianism. They also have a one-meal-a-day fast. There’s no calendar to this, you just do it – a lot! That’s because Buddhists are trying to get over desire. Desire is the cause of all suffering — just ask any social media addict.

Speaking of desire, what causes the desire for food? Fasting. Think about that one a bit. It’s like a koan, but in syncretinism, koans aren’t clever, they’re stupid.

Mormons do 24 hour fasts, when they pray. They’re kind of like Buddhists in that way, but probably don’t want to admit it. Just like some of them don’t want to admit that their early practices regarding church membership and property were similar to Communist land reform and Catholic Distributism.

This makes me wonder if Joseph Smith was a closet syncretin.

So, today, you could do a 24 hour fast, and fulfill four religious practices all at once. That’s kind of like how prisoners can serve multiple sentences concurrently, rather than in sequence.

I’m not saying religion is a prison sentence. Really, I’m not.

This restriction of eating is for your own good.

Instead, use these different faith practices to help get through a 24 hour fast.

From sunup to sundown, you can do Ramadan. Then, when it’s time for the iftar meal, become a Mormon for several hours. Then, to get your mind off of food, do some Buddhist meditation, and go to sleep. Don’t masturbate or have sex before bed. That’s what you’re giving up for Lent. At least for that day, because it’s No Nut March, and we’re all Mens Rights Fascists just before bed, gentlemen!